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| april showers may flowers, let spring come already, my almost tan is starting to emerge. hehe :) only a couple sunny days so far & i'm already getting dark, that means this summer i'm gonna be crispy.
going to borders today was actually exuberating. i feel like i walked out of there a level smarter. I JUST WANT TO LIVE THERE. a little sketchy though, how ordinary people writing down their thoughts and observations could change a persons perspective just a little. was reading an addiction book & it said all sorts of stuff on how to quit & better yourself but think about it, if you follow exactly what they tell you, how does that completely help you ? i think it's all mental...well duh its all mental. whatever i can't explain it. thats my problem, i SEE things, i KNOW things, i just cant blurt what im thinking out loud that would actually make sense. maybe my intelligence is just supposed to be kept to myself. or...maybe i should just learn proper english.
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| i'm up really early, actually, i barely got any sleep. one of those restless nights again. with good thoughts though, and some strainful ones but not too bad. As of today, it's the time of the month  . uhhhh..yeh. you all know what that means, a case of moody feelings with a side order of extra sensitivity, & snappy bitchy comebacks to harmless jokes that i took personal. not that my periods an excuse to me acting moody or bitchy but my period ITSELF already puts me in a pissy mood because i can't wear thongs, i have to rock the granny panties for about a week because i CANT DEAL with tampons. i have a huge indescribable craving for chocolate & salty foods when i'm NOT allowed to have either of them because of my current medical situation. THAT PISSES ME OFF. also, my jeans never fit right, i don't feel sexy for a minute when im on my period and on occasions mr&mrs. pimple likes to pay me a visit. only speaking for myself though, some girls arent too bad and some are volatile. lately i've been good on my periods though, i hold back & i try not to let little things bother/annoy me.
anyways, enough of my menstrual cycle ( hope you boys had some sort of insight )
this morning after getting situated, i looked at myself in the mirror & thought about what this guy said to me last night on the phone  . i was like ' i gotta start somewhere...' i'm not sure what the first step would be to this type of insecurity but as i was looking at myself in the mirror, i winked at myself. ahaha yeh. exactly what you're thinking. it was most definitely AWKWARD. i laughed & walked away.
period/winking@myself/xanga
its a nice start to my day.
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| about yesterday, forget it, fuck being emo. i read it today & i feel retarted. ahaha anyways, w/e life goes on, if it doesnt happen FINE WHATEVER SCREW YOU BITCHES
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| sorry for the emoness but i'm really gonna kill myself if it doesnt happen. i dont even know anymore.
wish me luck
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